Growing up my mother always made it a point for us to go to church and participate. I used to be in the choir, I was in sunday school, and I naturally enjoyed being at church. As I got older I felt like I strayed away from church. I was no longer being forced by my mom to go because she always made it clear that me and my sisters had to have a relationship with Christ for ourselves and that she couldn't establish that relationship with us. My distance from God grew even further when I realized that I have been in church my whole life. I started to become curious about how my friends who weren't Christian were living and I really felt like I was missing out on something. Church life was all I knew and I felt like I wanted to venture out, but most of all I wanted to feel like I fit in with the crowd. As life continues and we experience new things we realize that we aren't missing out on anything. The best part about my journey was that through it all I still kept my Christian mindset.
I am at a point in my life where I feel closer to God than I have ever been. I think that experiencing life "on the other side" made me realize how much I need God and it makes me more aware of my choices. Now I go to church on my own, I go to bible study on my own, and prayer on my own not because I have to but because I genuinely want to go. I am finally understanding what the bible means when it talks about the power of choice. From the beginning of creation, God gave Adam and Eve a choice of whether or not to eat the apple, he gave Samson the choice to submit to Delilah or not, and he gave Abraham the choice to sacrifice his son or not. Just like he gave people in the bible choices, he gives all of the choice of whether or not to live for him or not: "But if you refuse to serve the LORD, then choose today whom you will serve. 'Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the LORD.'" Joshua 24:15
Another thing I struggle with is the inconsistencies in my faith and belief in God. I know you're not supposed to question God but there are things that have happened in my life that I honestly believe are not supposed to happen. Even in times when I'm doing what I'm supposed to do for God, I have a hard time accepting that other people are getting blessed who do far less than me. I know we all go through those moments, but for me I just feel alone when it happens. For example, I struggle with my motivation for going back to school, because I don't want to settle and just get by. I have a desire to do good in school! I used to want to be in the classroom and sit in the middle of the class. I didn't want to get called on, I didn't want to sit in the front, but I didn't want to sit in the back either. I guess you can say that I wanted to fit in or be overlooked by the teacher where I wouldn't be noticed or put on the spot. The irony is that I want to be a teacher, and I think that it's what God called me to be. When I told my sister this, she told me that it meant that I had the heart of a servant. I immediately was offended by this because I just don't like the term servant, but when she broke it down I understood completely. My purpose and my gift of being a teacher extends far beyond the classroom, because I know it will carryover to my church life and my home life. I serve people everyday while at work and at home. I constantly assist people, I have a smile on my face while doing it, and I feel that people are naturally attracted to my spirit. I truly believe that God is placing me in situations to prepare me for my purpose. I can no longer hide from him or just do enough to get by. God has chosen me to stand out and to walk in the purpose that he has set aside for me. The bible says, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5
Today I choose to live for God, because God chose me. I may not know the most scriptures. I may not scream at the top of my lungs when I'm praying. I may not openly lead prayer. I may not openly give my testimony. I do however, pray to God daily, I make it my responsibility to go to prayer, go to bible study, and when I'm off on Sundays I'm at church. God has done so much for me and I know that as long as he's my first choice I'll remain his first choice. Just remember that once you choose God, when he says yes that nobody can say no.
Michelle Williams - Say Yes
In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:6
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