Growing up I was under the impression that relationships equal sex--& that if I wasn't having sex then my relationship wasn't real, or that the young lady I was with wasn't serious enough or... didn't like me enough; looking back, I see that once sex was prematurely in the equation of my "relationship" with anyone, everything else began to go downhill.
I wasn't actively interested in learning more about my girlfriend at the time (what her interests were, or even her future plans). None of that mattered to me because I wasn't even aware that any of it mattered; sex blurred my vision of what it truly meant to love & care for another person. I defined my relationships of the past on the basis of sex, & nothing more or less was important to me (I was lost).
My false perception of what it meant to be in a healthy relationship with a woman led me unto many unhealthy situations--while also causing much pain to young women who deserved much more than I was capable of giving; I was held captive by my own selfish desires, and beautiful-precious-innocent young women paid the price for my own selfish decisions.
Flashing back to 2010: I had recently undergone my 4th major knee surgery (my NFL hopes were essentially over), I lost my house back at home (had no place to live), and I was in the midst of a nasty breakup with the mother of my daughter—that was filled with lying, cheating, and pain that left me filled with bitterness, resentment, and frustration. To top all of that off, my two year old daughter was kept from me for 96 consecutive days without being able to see or speak to her. For the first time in my life, I was broken, I was lost, I was confused, and I felt completely alone (all at the same time); I was sitting on a bench in the pouring rain, literally crying out to God for the first time in my life (wholeheartedly praying). I said what was on my heart (no fancy words), and I told God that I didn’t want to live anymore… I asked Him “will my daughter be better off without me, or (despite her parents not being together) will she be better off with me fighting to make her life the best that I possibly can?” In the midst of all the pain, God provided me with an instant answer through instant peace.
God showed me that my life was going to be hard and that the mess that I had made would result in consequences that appeared to be overwhelming—but that His grace was sufficient, and that His love would conquer the evil (He IS love and I chose HIS way). God showed me that my battle was now His battle and that my victory was already HIS victory (in Jesus’ name). This was my first personal revelation of who Jesus Christ is; when I was weak, He revealed Himself to be strong. He gave me new life. He rescued me from my own selfish ways of the past. He healed me; He brought me comfort; I did not find Him—He showed me that HE had always been there for me all along (even despite my filthiness), He chose to wait patiently for me—knowing that I would eventually humble myself to Him and pray (that His love may enter my heart and rule over my imperfect life for the rest of “my” days).
It’s now almost the end of 2013, and about 3 years ago around this exact time is when I first began to walk in love with Jesus… I am now married to the love of my life after building a friendship with one another for about two years. I did not intend to fall in love with my best friend, but in my allowing God to deliver my steps (through the innocence of His unfailing love)—I did just so (fell in love with my best friend). God fully convinces the both of us (through His peace) day after day that we were/are created to share life with one another—and I thank Him for sharing His love with me because it is the exact reason why I am who I am today, and able to share it with one of His most favored daughters. Just when I thought life was over 3 years ago—God has shown me that His love has no limits, and that my true life has just begun, in Jesus’ name.
In closing: I pray that those willing to read this will be changed after having heard my testimony, and that you allow His will be done in your life & not your own--& that you test everything that is said against His word & PERSONAL revelation through interaction & prayer with HIM alone. Faith comes by hearing, & hearing by the Word of God; may you always hear what God is saying, & thereafter take into action the task that is to be done (one step at a time). He is calling you--& His desire is for you to walk boldly under the umbrella of His loving power & authority as it is applied to your life daily. Know that God is with you always, waiting patiently for you to give Him your best, so that He can give you better. I hope for all of these things, in Jesus’ name, Amen.
GUEST BLOGGER FOR DECEMBER 28TH: KORDELL