"God Is Light In Him There Is No Darkness"
Since the year began my life has been a mental, physical and emotional roller coaster. Before being baptized and realizing my self-destructive ways every new year I thought life would start with a fresh slate. Celebrating the New Years drinking and partying thinking whatever happened last year is all gone and forgotten. Not true. All my problems, sins, uncertainties, bad habits and reckless behavior would snowball to each and every year. Thinking to myself that I'm a new me when in fact I'm even a worst version than I was the previous year. With age creeping up, motivation diminished, ambition seems non-existent and hope well hope was gone shortly after faith disappeared. Years ago when I had goal and knew what I wanted to achieve I prayed on it. Such as getting the opportunity to work at one of the most well known studios in New York City owned by Hip Hop Mogul and artist Jay-Z all the way to having a relationship to my then girlfriend at the time. Anytime my back was against the wall I prayed. When God granted me all these things I took everything for granted became less appreciative and forgot who he was. After I lost everything that I actually prayed on to achieve I started veering off to the Darkside. Worst part about it I called it the Darkside then when I was very unfamiliar with the bible and now I see my rebellious ways.
I started drinking and smoking more often than usual spending time in strip clubs. Doing illegal things with no disregard or remorse just feeling that as long as I had a good heart I was going to heaven. That's like a basketball team never practicing and thinking there going to win the NBA championship. If you don't practice being a Christian in the will of God how can you go to heaven? I cut ties with The Lord when all he did was grant me all the things I prayed on and I myself lost it because I became less appreciative and selfish. I used past situations that snowballed to present problems and used that as an excuse for my behavior. Parents thought they lost me and didn't recognize me anymore. I was out of touch. I started going to church just to go but not getting much out of it. I realized I was listening to the word but not digesting it like eating fast but not tasting the food and enjoying it. God tried many ways to reach me to slow down and the worst part is I knew it but ignored it. I wrote music from the heart and when I listen to my old stuff I hear the things I would say such as "Only God could save him but I don't wanna be saved/ he probably tell me to slow down and behave/" writing these rebellious thoughts and be angry for what when Lord has only blessed me and it was me who chose bad and wandered off. Maybe because I was so gone the devil now spoke within me naming a project I did a year ago called The Darkside.
Trouble started following me, which was one of the biggest signs that the Lord is trying to get my attention. Till the day I got sick and was hospitalized for a month and being so close to death. If I died then would I have gone to heaven because The Lord was trying to reach me as my father as my friend an old friend I betrayed when he always did right by me but I decided to engulf and indulge into the Darkside. God showed me a miracle by becoming a miracle thru prayers and faith he carried me thru the valley of death. For me to just stop and realize where I was going that he had better plans for me and always did. Blinded by flesh and searching for self worth without God I would fall and would never get up. But with him a fall is as common as a rainy day but thru him sunny days always follow so you appreciate it even more the blessings that he places upon us.
God is light, and in him there is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him and yet keep on walking in the darkness, we are lying and not practicing the truth. But if we walk in the light as he himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.
(1 John 1:5-7)
GUEST BLOGGER FOR THE MONTH OF AUGUST: KEVIN